Bittersweet
by LilacQuartz
Summary: How does one continue when you're left powerless? Royai, storyline begins about the time Mustang's team is split up. M for first chapter only.
1. Who deals with the games in the mind

This chapter is very dark. If you are offended by sexual assaults, do not read it.

Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa.

_Tap, Tap, Tap._

Colonel Roy Mustang sat at his desk, tapping his pen off its smooth surface. The paperwork was heaped up in mounds, covering nearly half its surface. His workload had gotten so ridiculous that Roy frequently dreamt about being buried alive under all the stacks or bleeding to death from paper cuts.

Yes, Roy's life was falling apart. Besides the paperwork, he had found out exactly what Maes had meant by the military being in trouble. As his punishment, Roy's loyal subordinates were taken from him and placed all over the Amestris. Except for Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, who was made the Fuehrer's personal assistant. In reality she was his hostage.

Even though Bradley tried to cut Roy off from his resources, he still pushed on ahead, striving to achieve his goals. Now that Roy knew of the homunculi plot, his goals were more important than ever. And against all odds, he and his former team still gathered information and communicated. Roy was smug about circumventing Bradley's stop gate on his actions.

Therefore, it threw Roy for a loop when he was called to the Fuehrer's office unexpectedly. He walked down the hallways of Central headquarters quickly, feeling very uneasy. It felt as if he was walking into a trap. Roy couldn't do anything to sway the feelings that all the officers in the area where gossiping about him, insulting him behind his back. After all, Roy was the fool for not seeing the homunculi plot before and an even bigger one for getting caught off guard when he did.

Rounding the corner towards Bradley's office, Roy spotted Riza Hawkeye at her post as Bradley's secretary. Even though she knew her position as the Fuehrer's hostage, she carried on like the perfect soldier. Roy doubted he could possess the patience and fortitude to be in that position. As he approached his destination, he glanced at her briefly, hoping to convene assurance. However, the Lieutenant's eyes were full of quiet worry when he passed by her desk and entered Bradley's office. Inside were many of the top military officials. They grew silent upon Roy's entrance.

"Colonel Mustang, how nice of you to join us," Bradley's deep voice carried across the office. The top brass eyed him with both disdain and amusement. "May I ask what you need of me, sir?" Roy answered.

"A lesson," Bradley quipped, walking past Roy and gesturing to one of the officers near the door. The man exited quickly and re-entered pulling Riza by the arm. Her eyes caught with the Colonel's for a brief moment, displaying confusion. Two men quickly came from behind and grabbed Roy's arms, forcing his head in Bradley's direction as the Fuhrer took off his military jacket, setting it on the back of his desk chair. Roy didn't fight them.

"Now Colonel, I instructed you to give up this little quest of yours. I suppose your ambition is greater than your common sense." Bradley motioned the man who held Riza over to his desk. Four other men joined them, pushing Riza onto Bradley's desk.

"What are you doing? She has nothing to do with this!" Roy yelled recklessly, struggling against the men holding him. Riza looked even more confused, frantically searching Roy's eyes for instructions.

"Oh but she does. You WILL learn not to disobey me,." Bradley said darkly.

The men wrestled Riza onto the desk. It took more men to complete that task as she began to fight against them. One man ended up with a bloody nose. She resisted as much as she could but was soon overpowered. They even wrestled her guns away before she could defend herself. Quickly they gagged her and used a rope to tie her to the desk. Roy watched horrified as Bradley loomed over her, sword in hand. With one quick motion, he slit the front of her clothes, exposing her skin. Roy renewed his struggles against the men holding him back, desperate to save his former Lieutenant from what was to come next. Ice flooded his veins as he watched Bradley lower his pants.

"Lieutenant! Lieutenant!" Roy cried out helplessly as Bradley began his assault. When Riza looked over at him, tears in her eyes, Roy felt himself break inside. He fought harder against his captors, only to have more men hold him back. "Well lookie here Mustang, she's a virgin. I wonder if she was saving herself for you?" Bradley taunted. "Lieutenant!... _Riza!_" Roy yelled louder. Riza turned her gaze to the ceiling and Roy let out a feral scream. Defeated, he sunk to his knees, feeling more useless than he had ever felt in his entire life.

The sensation of a dark presence loomed over him and Roy glanced up to see Bradley staring down at him, fully dressed. "I think we're done here gentlemen," Bradley quipped again, gesturing to the rest of the men to leave the room. They chuckled about how broken Roy looked and how Riza was such a common whore.

Upon hearing the door click shut, Roy got up and hurried over to Riza. She still looked up at the ceiling but with a faraway look. Tears stung his eyes as he glanced over her condition. Gently he touched her cheek and moved some hair out of her face. He noticed her favorite hair clip had fallen out at some point. Digging in his pockets, Roy found his small pocket knife and cut the gag and binds holding her to the desk. Once freed, her arms and legs dangled listlessly off the sides of the desk. Returning to look at her, Roy cupped her face in his hands, murmuring apologizes. It disturbed him that she didn't respond.

Roy had been on his way to lunch before he was summoned to the Fuehrer's office, so he still had on his long black overcoat. Taking it off, he slid her arms into it, so that the back of the black material would cover her front. Roy wasn't sure how self- aware Riza was, but he hoped she would at least feel better not being so exposed. Preparing to gather her up in his arms, Roy snatched his silver pocket watch and threw it onto the revolting desk. Cradling Riza in his arms, he stormed out of the office and out of the building.


	2. Something's gone, you withdraw

Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa.

It had been over an hour since Roy had taken Riza away from military headquarters. Over an hour that he had driven around Central aimlessly. He didn't know what to do or where to go. He didn't know what his next action should be or if he should even take one. For once in his life, Roy Mustang did not have a plan.

Roy glanced over at Riza and distressed at her catatonic state. Should he take her home? Would _they_ be waiting for them there? He pondered if she felt anything or would she ever feel anything again? He considered what she would need at the moment and decided she had to feel dirty.

Jerking the wheel sharply, Roy made a U-turn across the busy street, much to the displeasure of his fellow motorists. Driving as fast as he could, Roy barreled down the neighborhood side streets, finally able to come up with something, anything to do to help Riza. Finding the correct apartment complex, Roy hastily parked haphazardly, partially on the sidewalk, in front of it. He gently pulled Riza back into his arms and made his way up to his destination.

Knocking loudly, he impatiently waited for its occupant to answer. After a few moments, the door opened to reveal Gracia Hughes. She looked bewildered at his sudden presence. "Roy?" she questioned, "what are you doing here?"

"May we come in?" Roy asked, glancing down at Riza. Gracia's eyes followed his to his former Lieutenant and grew wide. Stepping aside, she allowed them to pass. "What happened to her Roy?" she asked quietly. Roy set Riza down gently on The Hughes's couch. He removed the hair from her face tenderly before standing to face Gracia. Lightly he pulled Gracia into The Hughes's kitchen. This was a conversation he preferred not to have in front of Riza.

Gracia's concern was plastered all over her features as she waited for him to speak. Roy couldn't stop the dryness that built up in his mouth as he thought about what to say to her. After a few moments of waiting in silence Gracia spoke again, "Roy?"

Unable to gather the words, Roy turned and smacked the countertop in frustration. Gracia moved closer to him and pulled him into a gentle hug. "She'll be alright Roy, she has you," she tried to soothe him. Roy closed his eyes and set his head of his best friend's wife's shoulder. "She got hurt because of me. Because I couldn't protect her," he mumbled into her shirt. Gracia pushed Roy off her shoulder and looked him in the eyes, "What happened?" Roy averted his eyes, "She… she was assaulted." Gracia kept her gaze firm, "By who?" Roy closed his eyes, only to have images of Riza tied to that desk flash in his head. "King Bradley," he whispered, desperately trying to push that scene out of his mind. Gracia gasped audibly, "What did he do to her?" _Well lookie here Mustang, she's a virgin. I wonder if she was saving herself for you?_ Bradley's words came back to haunt him. "He…" Roy gulped, unable to say that word, "he…assaulted her… sexually." Gracia stood there dumbfounded, "Oh my word, … are you sure?" Exasperated, Roy smacked his hands back down on the countertop again, and rested his head against it. "Yes, he… that bastard made me watch."

Gracia stayed quiet for several minutes before moving over to Roy, rubbing her hand on his back in a comforting manner. Roy was barely in control of the emotions that bubbled up in him; anger, sadness, disgust, fear. "I didn't know where to go….what to do," he blabbered, "she got hurt because of me… that bastard… I thought she might want…. to get cleaned up… I'm a man… you're a woman… I thought it would be better if I didn't do it."

"Can you carry her to the washroom?" Roy squared his shoulders and nodded. Gracia smiled warmly, gesturing him back into the living room. Roy once again pulled Riza into his arms and followed Maes's widow to The Hughes's washroom. "Can you place her into the bathtub? I can undress her there then draw her bath." Setting Riza down gently in the ceramic tub, Roy sighed heavily, "I'll be right outside if you need me." Stealing one last glance at his former Lieutenant, Roy dismayed at her slumped form. Gracia softly pushed him out of the room, leaving him to stare at the plain washroom door.

He heard Gracia quietly speak to Riza, although the distance made it difficult for him to determine the words. Several minutes later he heard the water turn on. Roy stared at the mundane carpet and pondered if he was stuck in a twisted nightmare. Perhaps he would awaken soon and laugh at himself for coming up with such a disturbing dream. Maybe he should stop drinking whiskey before bed?

A loud splash pulled Roy out of his thoughts. "Colonel?" he heard a voice say, a voice he would recognize anywhere. "Colonel?" Riza's voice grew louder and more urgent. "I'm out here Lieutenant," he replied to her plea.

Suddenly the washroom door was thrown open, revealing a very concerned, and nude, Riza Hawkeye. Before Roy could do anything, like order her back into her bath, two wet arms were thrown around his neck. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her back. She clutched at him as sobs erupted from her core. Roy didn't think it was possible for his heart to break twice in one day, but apparently it was. Here she was, his strong, loyal former Lieutenant, one of his best friends, and one of the most driven and emotionally stable individuals he had ever meant reduced to a quivering mess in his arms. He felt the wetness off her thin body soak through his clothes. Tears threatened his eyes again and he pulled her tighter to him, letting his mind wander.

"_May I help you?" Roy asked 9 year old Riza Hawkeye, who was up to her elbows in soapy water and dirty dishes, "perhaps I can dry them off?" Riza whirled her head towards a 12 year old Roy, an expression of shock plastered on her face. "Oh no, Mister Mustang, Father told me not to bother you because you need to concentrate on your alchemy studies."_

"_Hawkeye Sensei retired early and I have the night off. And I want to help you; you do all the cooking and cleaning around here." Roy moved towards the dish rags and picked one up. "And I really would like us to be friends Miss Riza." Riza dropped the plate she was scrubbing back into the soapy water. "Friends? …. I've never had any friends before," she said quietly, looking longingly down at the water. Roy smirked and pointed his thumb at his chest, "Well I can be you're first." Roy braced himself as a pair of soapy wet arms enveloped him in a hug._

Roy snapped back to reality when he felt a coarse fabric touch his arms. Glancing up, he saw Gracia holding a towel out to him. Taking it, he tenderly pulled it against Riza's back, shielding her from the cold. "You should finish your bath," he whispered quietly. Riza inhaled deeply, no doubt trying to regain her composure. "Yes, Sir," she whispered back, detangling her arms from his neck. Roy averted his eyes as she wrapped the towel around her body.

Gracia guided Riza back into the washroom. Once the door shut, Roy sighed. It was a relief that Riza was coherent again, but it saddened him that she was affected so deeply. Bradley had hurt her and his only goal now was to get her as far away from him as possible.

The door opened unexpectedly again, and Gracia exited. "Riza said she can finish without me. I'm going to go find her something to change into." Glancing down at Roy's wet clothes she frowned. "Perhaps I should see if I still have some of Maes's as well."

"Thank you," Roy murmured. Before she walked away he realized he hadn't seen Gracia's daughter. "Where is Elicia?" Gracia turned around to face him, a warm smile on her face, "She's down for her nap." Roy's mouthed formed an "o" as Gracia went off to find them some dry clothes.


	3. Caught beneath the landslide

Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa.

Roy returned to The Hughes kitchen to find Gracia pulling out teacups from a cabinet. He quietly moved over to a stool, setting down his wet uniform. He set the pistol he wore under his jacket on top, figuring that it was unlikely he would need it inside this apartment. It felt strange wearing Maes's clothes. They were a little large on his frame, but were comfortable enough. He moved over to Gracia, asking her if she would like some help preparing the tea. She handed him the kettle and instructed him to fill it at the faucet. "Roy," she spoke gently, "I know it's none of my business and you might not know the answer to it anyway, but where did Riza get that tattoo on her back?"

Roy nearly dropped the kettle and grew very annoyed at himself for forgetting about that. Riza never wanted anyone to know about the array on her back, and he stupidly exposed it to someone. However, before he could answer Gracia continued, "It looks like it's alchemy array. In fact, it looks very much like your array… did you do that to her?" Roy looked up at Gracia's face and saw anger in her eyes, no doubt anger at him for his flame alchemy array existing on his former Lieutenant's back. "No. No, I didn't tattoo it on her, but it is my array. Riza's father was my alchemy sensei. After I left to join the military, he tattooed that on her. I'm still angry at him for putting her through that."

Gracia nodded silently. "She also has a lot of scars and burn marks on her body. I never realized how difficult her life was." Roy sighed; it was dishonest to deceive Gracia about the burn marks. She knew more than most people anyway. "I'm afraid I'm responsible for those burn marks." Roy grimaced when Gracia gasped. "During the Ishvalian War, after she saw what my alchemy was capable of, after trusting me with it and watching me betray that trust, she wanted to be rid of it. She didn't want anyone else to learn flame alchemy. She no longer wanted to be its keeper. She wanted to be her own person, so she asked me to burn it off her back. I couldn't bring myself to do the whole array, but I marred the important parts."

Roy, still near the sink, waited for Gracia to respond. She stood quietly in front of the counter for a few moments before speaking again. "You two have quite a history together. Maes always said you knew Riza before the military, but I didn't know you knew her during your childhood. What do you plan to do now?"

Roy sighed. Somehow in a few short hours all his life goals have changed. "I'm going to take Riza far away from here." They both flinched when they heard a gun's safety click from behind. Whirling around, Roy found Riza standing before him, his pistol in her hands. "No," she stated firmly, "no, Colonel, I won't let you give up your goals because of me."

"Lieutenant, I can't continue on this path. Look at what it has cost!" he retorted. Anger flashed in her eyes. "You must," she continued, "or else all of this would have been in vain. You know what they are capable of. We must defeat them!" Roy stepped closer to Riza, her aim wavered for a brief second before she regained her composure. "I cannot. Bradley is watching me too closely. I have become a liability to the operation. If our allies have any chance of success, it would be without me in the equation. I cannot accomplish anything now. The only thing I can do right now is protect you!"

Riza's eyes welled up with tears. She stepped closer to Roy, placing the tip of the gun on his temple. "You must continue," she pleaded. Roy gently reached up and cupped his hand around the hand that held the gun but made no moves to lower it or step out of the way. "They have disabled my communications. They have taken away all my resources. They know my weaknesses. Now they have taken my Queen." Roy paused quietly before whispering, "Checkmate."

Her tears spilled over her eyes in steady streams. The arm holding the gun grew slack. Roy pushed it to her side and pulled her into a warm hug. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair. He held her for several minutes in silence. She pulled away from him, looking him straight in the eyes, her determination returning. "You promise me something, Roy Mustang. You promise me that if we ever receive an opportunity to take them down, we will take it." He smiled at her. "Of course," he whispered. She smiled back.

"Well then," they heard Gracia speak. She looked very pale. Undoubtedly the woman never saw someone get a gun pulled on them. "Shall we have tea?"


End file.
